She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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