so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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