I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
