he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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