His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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