ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
