He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So vagazzling was a success
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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