If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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