Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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