Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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