I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
