In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
