She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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