that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
