I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
