oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
