jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I sprained my soul last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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