im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
