quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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