So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
