It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
