Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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