then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
