wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
