so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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