Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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