He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
