So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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