I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
