He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
