filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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