maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
