I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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