I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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