You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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