how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
