Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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