yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
