I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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