from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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