so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
