your thong is hanging out like whoa
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
