my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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