I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
