is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
