And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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