I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
