I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
