Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
