you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
