She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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