Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
