I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
