i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
